What should i do now???

What should I do now??
I feel so so boring
Everyday doing the same things...
I wanna go to school
But
Can I??
Haiz...
When I look every of my friends have their stuff to busy with
and I am so free
Nothing to do...
I feel so shame
haiz...

When can I actually step into a college??
A lame question actually
It is actually my willing
I want but I scared will fail again
Failure had bring a big impact for me
I scared I will fail to do it again
Haiz...
I am so useless
God please give me a brave heart
I need your help
I really need your help

I want a normal lifestyle
Please give me my normal lifestyle......